This may come as a shock to some, but as men, we long for relationship and the love of a woman. Consider how we have been created by God. From the beginning He created Adam and Eve; they were created to complement each other, to complete one another from an earthly standpoint.
To avoid sounding soft or weak, many times we are afraid to admit this. We boast we are proud to be single, because of our “freedom.” As guys many times we use singleness as an avenue to use women for purely physical needs. This happens, when as single men, we try to fill ourselves with something that only God can truly provide.
We do not want to be lonely, but instead of looking for God first to fulfill us, we look in other places to try to satisfy us. This is why many men struggle with what they look at on computers and phones. We are lonely, and we need something to keep us company, even if it is a false sense of fulfillment.
While single, I have asked God to search me, clean me up so that when the time came I could truly be ready. I came up with this checklist to see if I was prepared for a relationship…
- Do I know Christ?
Am I fulfilled with Christ? We are all created with a God-sized hole in us, and until we fill it with God, we will always be looking for something else, but this will never satisfy our craving like God can. Finding peace, and a strong relationship with Christ must be first before finding a girl to pursue.
- Am I self-confident or seeking validation?
I have seen many people enter into relationships because they are looking for validation of some sort. Maybe growing up they lacked praise from their parents, but especially from their father. Spend time you have being single addressing these wounds. Before entering a relationship, be filled with the spirit of Christ, and be comfortable and confident in who you are.
- Am I mature enough?
Am I prepared to put someone else before yourself? Am I ready to lead someone, like we are called to by Christ? If I am pursuing a woman just for the physical aspects she brings to the table, or if I am are chasing women for purely physical relationships, I am not ready for a real relationship. This is something that hurt many dating relationships I was in. I was not mature enough to be able to look out for the needs of myself, and the needs of another.
- Do I have time?
This is a big one! If I am going to fall in love with a woman, and truly pursue her, it is going to take time. She does not want to be just another item in my calendar. She does not want to be a standing appointment. She wants me to be there and be available for her all the time. Like Josh Turner said “Time is love.”
If there is something on this list that you cannot check, then odds are you are not ready to enter into a serious relationship. Use this time of being single to grow yourself as a person, so that when the time comes and you happen upon the woman of your dreams, you will be ready.
[Tweet “Being single is a wonderful time in your life”]
Until then, know that being single is a wonderful time in your life. It is a great time to develop yourself as a person, to grow your career, or to finish school. We have desire to find someone to share our lives with, but this is not a task that we should rush into. In our society today, we want everything fast and we do not want to wait. I am guilty of this as much as anyone else. If you have ever waited in a drive thru line with me, you know my patience wears thin quickly. This journey to find the one to spend your life with, it’s a marathon, not a sprint.
Being single is something so many girls dread. I mean, let’s be honest how many times have you heard of a girl in a relationship being jealous of a girl who is single? (I’m assuming not very often.)
But when you think about it, how many girls are actually happy to be single?
Not being in a relationship can often times let the thought “I’m going to be single for the rest of my life” linger in our heads. For many girls, this is a terrifying thought. We want to grow up, get married, have a job, be a good mom, and the list goes on and on and on. But what if we do not find the man of our dreams to go through life with?
As women, we want to be sought after, loved, and cherished. When we do not have someone making us feel that way, we have a hole in our hearts that we try to fill with everything but what can satisfy it: God.
The good thing is that life does not start when you find the right guy, life starts when you let your passions and desires become your everyday actions.
Being single, and truly enjoying it, is something I learned my freshman year of college.
After truly finding my relationship with God my senior year of high school, I was going into college with the desire to surround myself with girls who love Jesus and would encourage me in my walk.
With time and prayer, God placed beautiful mentors and friendships in my life.
But what does any of this have to do with being single you might ask?
For me, it meant everything because you see, being single is a time that God has blessed every person with so that they may find themselves in Him, not in the world or in others or in boys, but to have a time to figure out who you are in Christ Jesus.
It says in 1 Corinthians 7:38:
“So the person who marries his fiancée does well, and the person who does not marry does even better.”
Paul does not write this because marriage is a bad thing (Because it is not; it is a wonderful gift from God.) Paul says this because being in a relationship is a sacrifice.
It is a time you serve the one you care for and put them above yourself.
Because of this, being single is not a negative time that God wants you to be lonely, it should be a celebrated time for you to discover who you are.
Who are you now? Is that who you want to be? Is that who God wants you to be?
[Tweet “Love yourself, love your time alone, and love being single”] Love yourself, love your time alone, and love being single because the desire you have for a relationship with a man/woman is the same desire God has for a relationship with you.