As a Christian, dating is something different than how the world looks at or defines dating, but sometimes it is easy to be confused in some of Christian dating lingo.
I think most of us are guilty of saying these words about our relationships or what we are looking for in a relationship, but do we always know what they mean?
Pursue – Verb.
–see pursuit, pursuing.
-to chase after someone you love.
At first this almost seems like a creepy word. If you are a Christian guy you are expected to pursue a girl. Pursue like follow them around everywhere they go?
For me, pursuing mean to always be thinking of how I can serve Micaela. How can I keep her interests before my own. I am always chasing after her, always trying to show her that I love her and care about her in new ways. The moment in a relationship you stop chasing after that person and get complacent, is when problems start to occur.
Pursuit does not stop after becoming official, getting engaged or married. Pursuing your girlfriend/fiancée/wife is something you will do your entire life.
Now guys, pursuit is not something you do with a heart that is just chasing after physical needs. That is not pursuit. Pursuit is finding a woman who you desire to spend the rest of your life with, and showing her that every day.
DTR – Determine the relationship. Accurately defining what the relationship is and what your desires are for it.
This is a term we hear very often in Christian circles, and one that is important.
You’ve went on a few dates, now it’s time to talk about it.
Now this does not have to be a huge sit down, let’s talk, kind of moment, and you don’t have to already be saving for a ring at this moment. But this is where the conversation begins.
Guys, let a girl know if you are interested in her. Truly interested in her. Interested in her beyond a physical level.
This can be something simple, letting her know you are enjoying getting to know her, and would like to continue doing so.
As the relationship grows, and your feelings either grow, or you come to realize she isn’t the girl for you, let her know.
Boundaries – noun and verb.
-Something you set and then apply to make sure you are staying pure in your relationship and honoring God in the process.
Don’t set boundaries as a reaction.
In any Christian relationship our number one desire should be to honor God in every aspect. Boundaries honor God. Boundaries honor your girlfriend and fiancée guys.
A man after God’s own heart – adjective?
-A man who desires to have a strong relationship with God.
There is a saying about this that I am more than likely going to butcher but I’ll give it a shot, it goes something like, “Live your life chasing fully after God, when you meet someone who is running alongside you, get to know them.” To make sense of that, seek to become Christ like every day, when you meet a girl who is doing the same, chances are they are the right one for you.
Another one of Micaela and I’s favorite sayings is that the greatest growth in a relationship is when both people are first growing with Christ, and as a result growing together in Christ.
So guys, if dating a Christian women is your desire, as it should be, make sure you are a man who truly seeks God in everything.
Hopefully this has brought some clarity to some of the tricky Christian dating words.
If you only take one piece of advice from this let it be this, The ultimate goal of any Christian dating/engaged/marriage should be to help each other become the… Click To Tweet
Because we are born again, we can be filled with the fruits of the Spirit and try to embody a P31 woman. In this process, there will be difficulties that we will need armor-bearers to encourage our spirits and lift us up when we can’t seem to do it ourselves. Meanwhile, in our relationships, we might want to set some boundaries to help us to continue to seek after Christ.
Now for someone not raised hearing some of these words, it might be a little confusing and even strange to think about. To be filled with the fruit wouldn’t you just eat it? What in the world is an armor-bearer? Sounds a little archaic.
Well in this segment of He Said-She Said, we are going to discuss a little bit of the Christian lingo.
To start off, we have born again. Now the thought of being born again physically sounds a little weird, but that’s not what this means. To be born again is to let your Spirit basically have a fresh start. It’s showing that you have accepted Christ and this is a new beginning for you. It is a statement of being forgiven and accepting God’s grace and mercy. It’s turning over the rock from the past mistakes you’ve made to try to follow in Jesus’ perfect example of living in this world. When you accept the Holy Spirit, you have been born again.
After people are born again, we typically try to fill our lives with as many fruits of the Spirit as we can. These consist of words that might be easier to understand than the phrase itself: love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. These are all listed out specifically in Galatians 5:22-23. These attributes are written about by Paul to show what it is like to live by the Spirit and not iof the world. To live of the world is to be selfish, jealous, angry, and rude. It is to live by the desires of the flesh and not one of service. In seeking to be filled with the fruits of the Spirit, we desire to live a life that’s different than usual. We want to live in a way that Jesus did, honoring his death on the cross. To live in love and joy towards a person that has treated you poorly is a difficult thing to do, but it’s what Jesus would have done. To have peace in a situation that does not go along with the plan we have thought up shows a character that is misunderstood by many. To have self-control in a situation where it’s easier to just lash out represents a Godly character.
Now specifically in a group of woman you might hear the phrase “P31 Woman.” Honestly, this is one of my favorite Christian terms used. It’s setting an example for the book of Proverbs chapter 31. This is a chapter in my bible that is completely marked up because it has so many traits I wish I could resemble on a daily basis. Unfortunately, most days I fall short. A few verses say: she is worth far more than rubies, her husband has full confidence in her, she works with eager hands and she works vigorously, she opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy, she is clothed with strength and dignity, she can laugh at the days to come and speaks with wisdom. Something about reading these traits just brings me a peace. I believe it shows true trust in the Lord and the way God made us each individually, knowing He made us perfectly without flaw. It shows service and humility along with confidence and joy. Towards the end of the chapter, in verse 30, it says “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” This line really shows so much. A charm that is of the world but not true is just a lie. The physical beauty of a woman will pass away with age, she will wrinkle and gray. But the woman who fears the Lord, the woman who has a humbling faith, the woman who leans on her Savior, she is praised. To be a P31 woman is to resemble such traits.
While trying to live a life of such traits that seem to rebel against the world we need a little support, we need an armor-bearer. This concept is from Ephesians 6:10-18 where Paul speaks of the “armor” we must put on to defend ourselves from the trials of this world. This same idea is applied to a close friend whom you can rely on to help hold you to the standards of the Bible and not let you succumb to the temptations of this world. The temptations that will pull you away from God’s will and purpose in your life to make witness among those around you. Armor-bearers are there to pray for you, to encourage you when you are down or have messed up, or even to celebrate with you over the joys of life. They are in your life to walk the journey with you, good and bad.
Finally, the expression boundaries, a word used a lot in relationships. Boundaries are something that is individual to every relationship. It is a limit that you set for you and a guy that keeps your relationship honorable to God. It can be different for every person, I know Eric and I have set ours through knowing our weaknesses and ways we want to glorify God with our relationship. Boundaries are something that tends to only apply to physical matters within a relationship. There are two verses that I look at when considering the boundaries that are placed in our relationship. One is Hebrews 13:4, “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” Now this verse reads extremely harsh while our God is one of judgment, He is also one of forgiveness, love, and mercy so don’t let its words push you away. What I get from this verse is the guidelines to what I believe should be a boundary for my relationship with Eric.
While the Bible is not something that we are supposed to interpret in a way that is pleasing to what we want, God does not always give a black and white answer to the temptations that occur in this world today. Through this verse, we try our best to do what is glorifying to God. The second verse that I look at when deciding boundaries is Proverbs 4:23: “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” While what we do physically might not always be limited specifically in the Bible, what we do physically does connect us spiritually to the person we are doing it with. With this, what we do physically is important to guard by it directly leaving our heart unguarded. We are called to guard our hearts because it is the center of who we are. Boundaries are meant to protect us from getting hurt and help us honor God with our bodies and spirits.
While these terms seem a little funny hearing without truly knowing the content, there are some good explanations behind them that represent what kind of lives Jesus has called us to live. There is passion behind the message and love behind the support.