So, as most of you know, I have been involved in my church heavily for at least four years now.
You probably also know that I am constantly struggling with keeping God and I’s relationship tight.
When someone gets involved in their church, and their church friends, and the events and the recognition that they completely forget why they’re even at church, sucks. I did it.
This was and regrettably is still me:
Four years ago when I began serving in the church, I met so many new people, my family and I were so known and appreciated and I call it the Honeymoon Phase. The honeymoon phase is when you begin to volunteer and get so wrapped up in it that you come to every event, you never miss, your whole life revolves around church and you are more than happy to fall under all of those examples.
The honeymoon phase is not a bad thing. I repeat: The honeymoon phase is not a bad thing.
But, I will tell you that eventually, everyone has to come home from the honeymoon and it’s never as glorious as it was before.
Fast forward to two years ago:
I became a church intern. Yay me. This was such an awesome opportunity that I took total advantage of.
Granted, my spiritual life was not being fed and my leadership could have been 5x better, BUT I wore that badge and walked that lobby like I was King of the rock. Believe me, I thought I was.
I was there every day making phone calls and there all weekend meeting people.
By the end of that summer, I was so mentally and spiritually drained that I didn’t know up from down anymore.
God and I were a thing of the past.
So I left for a few months and became a campus hopper. I went from campus to campus visiting where no one would know who I was and I was just another face in the crowd.
Fast Forward a year and I take on a new set of responsibilities back at my campus. It was a leadership role and not all that glorious but, none the less, enjoyable. Just the fact that it was considered a “leadership role” made me giddy. (Doesn’t everyone want to be considered leader worthy?)
Fast forward another year and here we are today. I have left that leadership role, I go to minimal events, and I am not in a small group.
Through those four years, I was under the impression that being at church and serving was what my Christian-self was supposed to be doing. And it is to a certain degree but how do you give out smiles and leadership and faith and a genuine interest in people when you are empty? I wasn’t reading my Bible, there was no quiet time, worship, praying or accountability in my life.
I am luke-warm.
God and I continue to be at a stand still because I focused on church and everything else instead of him.
I am nowhere near saying that being involved in your church is a bad thing. Far from it. Having Godly friends, accountability and an opportunity to serve God and people is such a blessing and I wouldn't trade it for the world!
But today, as I type this, I am putting my foot down. No more me or I. Only God.
I don’t want people to see me, I don’t want recognition, I don’t want everyone to know my name or know what I do for the church or what I do to serve God.
I no longer want to steal his spotlight.
I will stand in the back, I will volunteer behind the curtain, I will not boast and I will not flaunt.
I want people to look through me and see Him.
There is a fine line and I crossed it a long time ago.
Now, I will volunteer where needed, I will read my Bible daily, I will accept non-glamorous chores and decline leadership ones that plaster my name and face in more places than one. I will do as God asks me and I will do it with a smile.
Please don’t think I am at all attacking anyone who is in a leadership role or someone who serves or for people who enjoy church.
Because I serve and I love being at church. It makes my whole week.
But I have taken something meant to be given and have turned it into my stage with my own rules and my own spotlight.
So, my new goal:
Less Church and more God.
I will be working on my behind-the-scenes relationship with him and that is all that I am concerned with.
I will not feel guilty for not attending things and I will not feel bad if I need to sit quietly in my room and pray over going somewhere with friends to talk.
All I want is to have a strong bond w/God & for him to be proud of me when I come home to him.
So lovely people, that is what I will be working on!
Thanks as always for listening to me!
I love you guys and Happy Summer!!!!