First I want to start this by saying
GOD IS CRAZY GOOD YOU GUYS.
Just in case you were unaware!
So a quick update before I jump into my spiel for the day:
I am again working for Gus! He wasn’t too smitten with the service we hired to replace the hours that I worked, so they were flexible enough to bring me back in, and I am oh so happy!
Okay, that was really the only new update.
Time for the nitty gritty:
This week was not fun for me, I had a cool new thing happen to me called “school is not as easy as it has always been for you, dummy Kerrigan”.
My first Anatomy exam was the week, I made a 60% (hold your gasp)
My first Nursing exam was this week, I made a 70% (which I am not heart broken about) BUT before knowing what I made on it, some girl came up to me, and this was a random girl, never have I spoken to her before in my life, said to me that if you didn’t make at least a 76% on every test in this class, then you automatically fail. Okay. Fun fact about Kerrigan. I am a TERRIBLE test taker. After she slunk away, hinting that by the face I made, that I lovingly did not want to speak to her, I had a mini anxiety attack. Right there in the hallway at 8:30 in the morning.
Guys. Let me stress to you how important school and getting into Nursing school is for me:
It is the one and only thing that I have done for myself and by myself, that I will be able to carry with me for the rest of ever. It is a goal that I made for myself, and the reason that I work hard.
But, back to my story. I did something that I have never done before and I got into the church’s prayer group and told them my problems and asked them to pray for me. Low and behold, one of my church mamas sent me her devotional from that morning. It spoke about the story of Mary and Martha. It daily said, Devote your time & self to God & He will take care of the rest.@kerrigandudley Click To Tweet All your plans, doubts or fears, all taken care of.
So, panic attack over. I seek out a Christian friend/mentor to give me a little words of affirmation and to set me straight. I took a break after class and watched me a little Judah Smith (I’m watching his series “Friend of Jesus” and it’s bomb) and I filled myself with some truth.
Now, I’m good. Fast-forward a day and a half:
I get an email from my nursing professor that she will not accept my paper that I turned into her, because it is not the format that she asked for (I read my syllabus, but I only know what pdf and pdf are). So, I’m crushed. At this point, I really do believe that I’m going to have to drop the only real and first nursing class that I’ve ever taken. Well, luckily, I emailed her right back, asked her for a second chance, googled how to do it her way and she accepted it.
Even though she accepted my paper, I was still pretty shaken up just about the whole week in general. This is a Thursday, which is the same day as the group that I just started attending. I get in my car to head that way, and as anyone who knows me can guess, I cried. When I began to cry, I thought, “Crap, I’m crying, I’ll just miss this group tonight and it will be fine. I don’t want to talk about my problems to people that I just met last week”. Was it the enemy? Maybe. I went anyways. I refused to not go because that is the sole purpose of life groups. We’re sitting in this girl’s living room and I start to tell them parts of my week and how I haven’t been handling it well, and scripture is thrown at me and wise words and things to think about from these people. Then, one of them invited me to a college night at a church that I’ve never been to. I went. I worshiped. I met people and on my drive home, I turned the radio off and spoke to God.
I cried to Him. I asked Him to help me. I apologized for being so lost. For when one thing in my life went south, I acted as if that was the only thing that mattered to me in this world, like my world was falling apart. Not only have I been placing school in front of God, but I’ve tricked myself into believing that this is what God wants for me. Here I am, struggling to breath and I honestly think that that is God’s plan.
I have been looking at this one puzzle piece. One. Out of an entire puzzle. I only get to see one, you see, and God sees the entire thing. I see this one sad puzzle piece and think this is it when in all actuality my life is one of those huge puzzles that seems impossible to tackle.
I have been lying to myself and the people around me about where I place my priorities.
Here are my real priorities:
2. Finding the love of my life
3. Future home/job
5. God (kinda)
What my priorities should be:
Everything else that falls into place because God wants them to.
I’ve realized that these small things that nearly crushed me this week have just been a warning from Him. He wants me back, and if its taking away what I want most in this world, to get me back, then that’s what He’ll do.
If you see your child putting something unimportant in front of God, wouldn’t you remove that thing from their life entirely?
That is what He did to me this week. He broke it down to the point where I seriously didn’t think Nursing school was going to even be an option for me in the matter of three days.
My priorities suck. God is supposed to be first. Nothing will be as its supposed to be if He isn’t in that first slot.
I am watching sermons, reading my Bible, having real conversations with Him from here on out without slacking. I asked in the car on the way home for Him to give me a bold and clear plan to get me back to Him. I want a relationship with Him again so badly, but I don’t even know where to start, so that was my prayer.
When we place God in our lives where He belongs (No. 1) then He has everything else mapped out perfectly! Even if it turns out to be a truck driver job instead of being a nurse. When He is first priority, He gives us gifts & holds our hands through the rough waters to achieve what we want and need in this life. You will get a good life, all He asks is that we put Him first and give Him our time.
Slowly, more puzzle pieces will come into view and God wouldn’t say this, but an “I told you so” will definitely be in order.
Love you guys, have a good week and make God your FIRST priority.