At Father’s day lunch, I found myself sitting beside and across the table from one of my favorite uncles and my dad.
Changing the conversation, I bring up the first date that I just had the weekend prior.
It was nice and the boy was cute. He was very closed off at the beginning and eventually I got him talking about a tv show that he watched and his future career plans. We talked over coffee for a few hours and that was that. Since then minimal texting (you know how it is ladies) and hopefully a future date is being planned.
I’m telling them how it went and that nothing has happened since then. (I realized that one way to cope with my ridiculousness is to joke about myself and my life). I said to them that I guess I just scare them away on the first date.
The last first date that I had (before coffee boy) went like this:
We went out and golfed, it was nice and he paid. He taught me how to swing the club and surprisingly I got better at it by the end of the night. He walked me to my car and said goodbye. He texted me the very next day and was planning a second date. Then didn’t show up to that second date.
So, I’m sitting here laughing at myself with my dad and uncle and telling them about how I scare them away on the first date.
Then, that night (which is right now as I’m writing this) I come to a realization: If I truly am scaring them on the first date then why in the world would I want to date them or marry them or fall in love with them?
Think about it.
My odd humor, my chunky self, my ridiculous laugh, my lipstick obsession, and my insistent celibacy scares them away on the first date.
What happens if I have a death in the family? A serious person whom I loved with all my heart passed away tonight and a man who can’t even handle my pink lipstick, is expected to help me cope through a death in the family? How in the world would he be able to sit with me through that?
The endless nights that I’ll be up studying just to be discouraged when I fail the exam anyways, will he be strong enough for me then?
As I’m sitting there at that restaurant, I initially was making fun of myself, thinking there are things wrong with me and that’s why they don’t stay past that first date.
But it isn’t me, it’s God. He’s protecting me and clearly teaching me a lesson.
He doesn’t want me with someone who can’t stomach the love that I have for things in life. The fierceness I have when I’m writing my thoughts on a piece of paper. The passion I hold for loving God and never giving up on trying to pursue him. The addiction I have to Nicholas Sparks movies and the parts that I cry at every single time I watch them, even when I know what’s going to happen. The crazy love I hold for my family and how protective I get over my friends.
If they can’t even sit through a second date with me then why in the world would they deserve to experience all of those other things that I possess?
Earlier, I thought it was my fault. That “I was scaring them away”. Truth is, it has nothing to do with me.
They are doing me a favor by letting me down early.
If they can’t even get through a second date with me, then they won’t be able to experience life with me the way that I deserve. The way that they deserve.
So tonight, as I’m writing this, I thank God. Even when I think there are a million things wrong with me and that is why I can’t land a good guy, it’s really because he and I are just weeding through the ones that aren’t right for me to eventually find the good crop that will stand out and I pray that I have the sense to see it when it happens.
Get through the first date and if there isn’t a second, be glad in it. God will send you the right person and that first date will turn into a second and a third and ten and then a lifetime of dates.
For now, I’ll continue on these dreaded first dates and hopefully, one of them will turn into a second.
Love you guys, thank you for all the feedback you give me, I love it!
Happy Daddy’s Day!
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