WARNING: I’m writing to you while hiding underneath my covers, twenty minutes until midnight, a little upset, whiney, and just being honest.
Things Kerrigan has learned this week: Life is hard and it kind of sucks, a whole freaking lot.
I’ve told all of you about how I see myself and that I’m insecure, yada yada, but today I literally felt like I was being watched by people who looked at me as though I were a zoo animal.
School is just awful, I literally just have four weeks left and I don’t feel like I can do it. Because if I do, then next semester will come and will be five times harder.
For some insane reason an old friend from like fifteen years ago came out of nowhere and is really nice and cute and I could see myself liking, but he lives in Maryland, I mean honestly God, are you just messing with me now?
I have a total of like five friends, half of which are mad at me ALL OF THE TIME and I just can’t rely on them.
I think I should start seeing a counselor, but what better way to show all of the single normal guys how cute I am when I tell them about my weekly counseling meetings.
I use social media as a way to get people to tell me what I want to hear so that I feel better about myself.
I feel like my life is flying by and I'm literally doing nothing with it.
I feel like I’m a bad leader, and I’ve walked away from every responsibility that I've ever had.
Contemplating whether nursing is really what I want to do with my whole life forever, but it’s kind of late to change my plans now.
Hurrying through my Bible as quickly as I can and pretending that it’s actually benefitting me.
Feeling a void in my life, and assuming that shopping, changing my hair color, and chasing after boys who are jerks to me will fill that void.
Crying all of the time for no apparent reason.
Being a big ole’ baby, throwing a pity party for myself and making all of you read it.
Lord, I need you.
Dear Lord, I need you. I feel like I’m alone and I know that’s not true. Please get me through all of these stupid circumstances and allow me to learn something from them. I know You are all I need and Your love is enough, but lately I haven’t been feeling it. I pray that You come to me again, I pray that You fill this hole. I also pray that if anyone reading this blog post relates to any of the above, that they feel Your love too. Please God, get me through this season with all of my hair and without losing the last few friends that I have. Please teach me how to be a strong woman again and how to lead using Your strength. I pray for anyone right now that is going through a rough time, anyone who got a speeding ticket today, anyone who is an alcoholic, anyone reading this, my family who puts up with me and anyone else who is going through some things. I know it doesn’t seem like it all the time, but I do appreciate the life that You’ve given me, I just wish sometimes You would show me why I was given this life. Please forgive me of my sins, I love You, Amen.
Sorry for the ranting guys, I just had a weird day and wanted to share it with anyone who might be having a similar one. If so, I completely understand. It’s also okay if you need to punch a wall, scream or go drive for twenty minutes.
Have a good week y’all.
I know You are all I need and Your love is enough.